Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
