The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
