the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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