I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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