Michael Bay diarrhea
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
