i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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