I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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