I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
