hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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