i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I need to align my fucking chakras
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
