i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
