It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
