I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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