What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
