his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
