I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
