I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It was confusing and full of hummus
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
