Cold hands, warm shart.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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