Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
