i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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