we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
