everyone is single if you try hard enough
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
