We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I stole a fireplace last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
