i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
