Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This is the high leading the old right now
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
