i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
