I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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