I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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