put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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