You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
