This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
