so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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