I'm going to jail i love you
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
