The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
there is glitter all over my balls
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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