the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
whose parrot is this?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
