I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
