He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
