I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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