The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
