oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
