I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
