I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
