so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
