Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
