It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
