WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
