If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
