dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This is not my ceiling
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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