I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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