Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
