New low: just hacked my moms facebook
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize