...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
