It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
