I got chris browned last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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