u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
