I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
