how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
