if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
