i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
