I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
