Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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